Empowering Self-talk
Your role as a seller isn’t your identity.
Your value to your friends and your family isn’t tied to the deals you win or lose.
Save that idea for the perfectionists, the never satisfied. Let them get the ulcers.
Perfectionism is a form of interrogative self-talk.
Those voices in our heads that say we’re not enough.
Interrogative self-talk like that is like drinking battery acid.
Combined with other chemicals battery acid can be a source of great power.
Used thoughtlessly tho, it can burn you pretty badly.
Perfectionism is one of many forms of “negative interrogative self-talk” – n.i.s.t. for short.
Positive, even loving interrogative self-talk can be a powerful tool for introspection and problem-solving.
But ungrounded interrogative self-talk quickly turns negative, and pretty quickly we’re invalidating ourselves. Yuck.
How much of your own Interrogative self-talk is encouraging? How much is kind?
Sellers and entrepreneurs are particularly vulnerable to perfectionism - and all the other forms of n.i.s.t. as well.
The black and white nature of our job makes it easy to buy into what n.i.s.t. tell us.
Win a deal? Get a carrot. Lose a deal? Get the stick.
The funny part is – most of those carrots and sticks only exist in our heads.
Sure, the commissions and bonuses and congratulations and other incentives we receive are real.
Those come externally.
The internal ones? Those are figments of our imagination.
And most of us dole out these imaginary “incentives” which often sound like ultimatums, with very little objectivity.
A few of us are really good at using the carrot on ourselves. If you’re setting goals and rewarding yourself appropriately then hats off to you and keep it up!
But the rest of us are much much better and more inclined to use the stick.
Well that was dumb! Whack!! They haven’t called me back because I’m an idiot! Whack!!!
A more subtle way we use the stick is by moving the goalposts.
We ignore an achievement, big or small, and when we should be celebrating the victory, instead, we immediately set a bigger goal.
A lot of people, in every profession, speak to themselves in an unnecessarily harsh tone.
But there’s no upside to practicing and mastering n.i.s.t.
You might say ‘it’s just how I’m wired’ - but that’s not really the point.
The stick hurts whether we’re used to it or not.
Can we shut off the voice? Never hear it again? That’s between you and your therapist.
But when you hear it, you can redirect it and use positive loving interrogative self-talk to your advantage.
Here’s two ways to do it:
1/
When I was younger and faced a heavy lift, I used to pump myself up.
I’d tell myself, “C’mon! You can do it!”
When I was feeling salty I’d throw in derogatory pronoun at the end, like “a-hole”
I’d tell myself, “C’mon! Just do it, don’t be an asshole!”
But I realized all that bs makes me anxious. And who does their best when they’re anxious?
I’ve stopped doing that. Now I never pump myself up.
Now, instead of declaring: “I can I do it!”
I ask myself: “What can I do?”
When I’m faced with a heavy lift, maybe one that I’ve been putting off for a week, a day, or an hour
I ask myself:
“What *can* I do?”
The answer that comes back to “what can I do?” is invariably: “I can do one thing.”
It might be the easiest thing on my to do list. That’s ok! I’ll get to the rest in due time.
Then I do it. Then I celebrate. So much less stressful and I get more done than ever.
2/
What’s the first thing you think about as you’re leaving a sales call?
Studies show that the first thing most of us do is - start beating ourselves up about all the things we did wrong.
That’s like drinking battery acid – or 200 proof n.i.s.t.!
Instead, when you leave a sales call, I suggest you ask yourself these two things:
What went well?
and
What will I do differently next time?
Want to double down? Take notes.
For now, just write these down
What went well? … What will I do different next time?
These are forms of Positive Loving Interrogative Self-talk.
Want to experience more serenity and joy in your life in your day-to-day?
Start making Positive, Loving, Interrogative Self-Talk a daily habit.